Stuck

Here I am,
stuck.
I’m fucked.
Every bone trying to move.
but I’m stuck.
I can hear the clock ticking.
The kitten licking my toes… But when I kick…
I’m stuck. Paralyzed
so I hold my breath…hoping for the miracle of movement.

Didn’t remember why I went on that walk.
I was so alone and just craving to be held or loved.
I started running. I was barefoot… in my shorts…
the harder I ran the more the twigs scraped against what was once
soft, smooth skin… now they are cut.
I kept running. feeling branches breaking under my feet…
It didn’t hurt…my head was nowhere
my lungs bursting, hips cramping, and legs twitching with desire to leave… escape
Where were my questions coming from.
the past was gone therefore it was time to move.
But again… I was stuck. in a place I didn’t want to be.
If running wasn’t the answer it didn’t matter.
I’d rather loose my breath from leaving, then loosing my nerve.
I was there in the bathroom shaking.
tears pouring down hard, as if a child was in complete anger and frustration.
I had screwed up, without trying.
I can move now.
My left hand is twitching, my hard pounds as I begin to wiggle my fingers…
I can feel the life slowly creeping back into me.
end.