thoughts for my days

2. thoughts for my days

   I feel trapped, suffocated, and over whelmed.

   The wait is getting too much.

   fear is getting to me

   … the fear of not knowing where I’ll ever end up.

   Fear of not finding the stabliity that I so badly have always craved…

   The fear the if I don’t make it, what will my future be?

   I’m getting lost in my own head as usual, but lately, I feel too much like I have nothing to loose…

   I wish I could see myself the way others do. These thoughts should be trapped in my own head, not written for others to read, but then again… doesnt everyone have these thoughts at some point..

   What do I have to loose?

   If I write what I feel, If I leave for good, If I just jump.

   To find a new way to think, and to live.

   To learn on this path, to love myself. 

   That’s my biggest struggle.

   If I just keep this mentality of thinking positive, hoping for the best, then maybe I’ll make it just a little longer. 

half a heart.

half a heart.

I found a half a heart upon the ground,
no name attached, not a soul around
I picked it up and placed it to my chest,
hoping to warm it and take it home to rest.
This little discovery wrapped in mud
I placed in warm water, bubbles and suds.
I was surpirsed to see how full of life
this little half a heart, now seemed more right.
I posted a paper, photo, number “found”
This half a heart was safe with me for now.
months went by,as did years and the papers were gone
Not a single call, nor a name, this half a heart and I grew a bond.
until one day there was a ring , and my little half a heart sunk
somehow I knew that the moment had come
The voice was deep, gentle and course, the man spoke with ease.
“I saw your number on the ground, a photo I thought I prayed to see.”
His half heart was in my care; I told him of my love for his half a heart.
We met the next day, a coffee shop two blocks too far.
I kissed that half a heart, reassuring of my love and I was here to stay.
but to much of my amaze this little half a heart didnt pull away.
instead he jumped to my chest and never let go.
still workin on this one not sure how to end it…

beautiful

The most beautiful sea:
                   hasn't been crossed yet.
The most beautiful child:
                   hasn't grown up yet.
Our most beautiful days:
                   we haven't seen yet.
And the most beautiful words I wanted to tell you
                   I haven't said yet...

September 24th 1945

by Nâzım Hikmet Ran

travelin girl

getting away to bigger and better dreams I'm off to amazing Australia in less then five months... Overjoyed and way too anxious.
My sister is having her baby boy Nathan Aug 22nd,2011....


Everything is calling me to leave after he's born. Im ready to move on.
To explore.
To meet new friends..
and move away from any repeated memories.
This is it.
My foots in the door...next my hip then my heart ...and im gone :)