just me

"WAKE UP!" You're yelling at me.

cut this out, you're all thats left with my sanity..

Silently breaking away at my core

the innocence that once was there, no more

the buidling to the fire grows

without words so filled, you now leave me with scorn..

You had a strength in your stable mind,

You had no judgements when I called you mine.

I'm angry now, no pain but hate,

so cowardly, for you just to walk away.

Excuses so, so poor, a lame child would laugh,

Giving up out of everyone, I'd expect you last.

I do not pity myself, okay maybe a tad...

But how you came back with nothing...

not even in your heart or hand,

leaves me regrettably mad.

I saved your words, your soul put in them.

You told me all I wanted to hear,

but apparently you "weren't too clear."

Your cheap excuses, I no longer pity...

because your last words of 'kindness'

left me feeling shitty.

Unless you grow up now you'll miss the bus,

for women like me only come around once.

I loved, love and leaving it behind,

what ever man once, was, were just mine.

music to feed your head

tickin and a tockin

So when I awoke, noticing all clocks around me were set to different times, blinking, pointing out the obvious... I have lost track of time...

Thank God.

Because now I  can pretend, now when I close my eyes nothing has moved unless I move it.
Because now I take my time with breathing, with loving, with being in the present moment.
          Thank God because , just because.

No more getting caught up in my head about worries.

ahhhhh life is magic right?

India.Arie - Ready For Love

They say watch what you ask for, cause you might receive, but if you ask me tomorrow, I'll say the same thing...

you surf? there's something to it.doit

 

Friday, January 28, 2011

theres something to it.do it. 

Written by Mandy Jane Jenkins at 1:17 AM

wake up.
today your pillow is off your head.
the blankets smooshed between your knees and chin.
toes chilled from the morning winds coming through your open window.
beaming sun filling your room, blinding your eyes.

there's birds out and singing loud,
the pup notices your waking movements and moves in for awakening kisses.
its perfect. calm.
unusual.

put the Irish breakfast in the hot water, hands wrapped around the mug feeling this heat
a little cream a lota sugar and soak the tea bag for 3 min.
perfect, just like how granny makes it.

hmmm. good morning.
this day is a good one.


some time passes.
again your toes are chilled by the sand grains, each step more cold then the last.
there's little caps making a rush for the shore.
the set begins.
one peak begins to rise. you're still standing there watching, waiting for the next one...
but your blood starts flowing.
no, not because your feet burn of chill.

2nd peak, growing... pacing it self then starts to curl left.
your teeth are clinched and you're bouncing.
as you begin to suit up, here it comes... wave 3.
nothing matters now.
you're stumbling into your suit jumping on one leg...
uhoh...
you eat shit.
but you're still fumbling for the other leg hole.
you got the hips sticking..."DAMNIT THATS A F*$%IN LEFT!"
arms in.... run....
shit... go back for your board....RUN!!!!

this is the best set of your life.
it's perfect. it's unusual.
but nothing is better then sitting in this lineup.

your toes are numb. the water's temperature :56 degrees F
sun beaming, warming your suit...
the sea is calm. waiting patiently for the next set.
uhoh...
you gotta pee.
bad.
thing is ...
there's people all around you...
your leg begins with the shake...
ahhhhh, relief.....
Wave time...

you see the bump.
your arms begin to pace over and out of the water.
long, deep strokes. you feel as if you're digging for treasure...
your pace picks up to catch wave 2.
it's perfect and you can feel it rushing from behind you.
you do one last deep push in the water...
you're here. you're on the wave...
it's perfect. you've got the walk to the nose of your board...

you've just caught the greatest wave of your life.
you go back to the lineup, and over a few hours the sun is getting too hot.
you've caught some perfect lefts for your day, two rights.
and one amazing barrel.
you're starving.
time to grub.

as hungry as you are, you step on to the sand and turn back to the waves for one last look.
this is it.
this is perfect.
this is how life is supposed to be.
there's something to waking up with the sun.
do it again tomorrow.

too confusing. i like it.

No I wont stop, Can't stop

you, in my head & controlling my heart.
Feeling complete vulnerability

not knowing when you will come back

No I won't stop, Can't stop

the tumbling of butterflies in my stomach
aching & confusion pulsing in my veins
consistency of being on my toes

you still want? you dream?
in hopes it's me,
& just me that gave you an incredible memory


it's so scary, frustrating & unbearable
just waiting... so long
for a single response.
& when it comes-your response,
it hits me hard,
send me spinning, swirling
into a wondering mess

I become such a sickening cliche.
a blubbering female idiot.
asking a million questions,
trying to find the right words
the if's and's but's about this out-of-nowhere response

Don't stop, Can't stop
Because baby I gotta hold on you
some how my smile has planted in the back of your beautiful mixed up mind
Because baby I stood where no woman stood for so long,
& that makes you feel safe for once.

Good.
Feel this frustration I have for holding onto what I thought was nothing
Hear my silent prayer.
Cause goddammit I'm not crazy,
nope.
not a bit.

maybe  alittle.
oh okay ALOT

but it's understandable... and so creditable.
So no game please.
but don't stop.

tell me to just slow. just don't make it stop... please

because at one point in time you did want me too

 perhaps tomorrow you'll remember.
perhaps you too, will wait -for once-
for my response

Don't stop, Can't stop

e.e. cummings &pablo neruda

You are tired,
(I think)
Of the always puzzle of living and doing;
And so am I.

Come with me, then,
And we'll leave it far and far away—
(Only you and I, understand!)

You have played,
(I think)
And broke the toys you were fondest of,
And are a little tired now;
Tired of things that break, and—
Just tired.
So am I.

But I come with a dream in my eyes tonight,
And knock with a rose at the hopeless gate of your heart—
Open to me!
For I will show you the places Nobody knows,
And, if you like,
The perfect places of Sleep.

Ah, come with me!
I'll blow you that wonderful bubble, the moon,
That floats forever and a day;
I'll sing you the jacinth song
Of the probable stars;
I will attempt the unstartled steppes of dream,
Until I find the Only Flower,
Which shall keep (I think) your little heart
While the moon comes out of the sea.

e.e. cummings

Love
Because of you, in gardens of blossoming flowers I ache from the
perfumes of spring.
   I have forgotten your face, I no longer remember your hands;
how did your lips feel on mine?
   Because of you, I love the white statues drowsing in the parks,
the white statues that have neither voice nor sight.
   I have forgotten your voice, your happy voice; I have forgotten
your eyes.
   Like a flower to its perfume, I am bound to my vague memory of
you. I live with pain that is like a wound; if you touch me, you will
do me irreparable harm.
   Your caresses enfold me, like climbing vines on melancholy walls.
   I have forgotten your love, yet I seem to glimpse you in every
window.
   Because of you, the heady perfumes of summer pain me; because
of you, I again seek out the signs that precipitate desires: shooting
stars, falling objects.

stoaked on school

http://www.stumbleupon.com/su/7XW8Ln/www.chegg.com/%253Fcid%253DDISPLAY%2526campaign%253Dstumble

silver chain

when i thought i couldn't get more vulnerable
he came too close and opened his arms.
again to wait a day or two, by three then more
empty, left again
why can't i just, can not resist.
this purpose,
drives any human crazy.
How?
just how many women
can get by a day without tears
after hearing so many lovely words

there's string holding my pinkie
promising that someday
someone, a good one
will come by
and save me.
He will love me more,
have you wish for this lady back.

i admit, i think far too much
linger my lips, tempting for your voice at times
but self-control has for once,
given me strength.
and as much as my tears will fill
i resist to reach for that line.