hi mommy, it's been a while

The doctors describe her like an animal.
Unable to control her emotions, or choices.
She's manic.

-it's okay, she just let's her emotions free.
 it's not like she's ... at the end?

The people around,who have grown with her,
they say she only has one way to go...
isn't that good?

-it's okay, she is going to get through this,
  she always gets better, she may go back...
but she comes around again, and again, and again?

The words she let go that time, "she didn't mean them"
They always defend her, say she's just sick
But I have seen a sick person... a person is in a cough
not a rage.

-it's okay, she said someday we will be together.
  she said we will be reunited, a happy-perfect family.
  she said she's sorry and she's better and
  i believe her?

She's not getting any better, but they have told me this
i have heard this all twenty-two years of my life.
i am almost twenty-three... every time she is worse.
but she gets better every time...
right?
this time she will pull through.

this year her father went,
this year she won't go.
you can't loose two-in-one,
in the same year.
you just can't,
can you?

"she's manic" the doctor said.
she's ill; mind, body, soul, and as a mother.
she may not make it this time.

... but they said that last time.
and the time before that.
and before that..
and before that.
and ...
*(repeat that phrase over and over in your head, keep repeating till you finally grab your head and scream-
then you will, perhaps- unlikely that you may - understand me)

she's manic
but she will get better.
i hope?